An Alternative to Time-Out - Self-Quieting Time

This is a story from a parent in my class that used our alternative to time-out called self-quieting or self calming. I have given you a link at the end to the lesson about this topic.

I had a particularly calm morning since I was focused that day remembering to use my new, "non-threatening" approach. Then things began to get a little tense. The kids were beginning to fight among themselves and fight for attention from me. My calm beginning to unravel. I recalled the discussion about "self-quieting" in class as an alternative to time out. It occurred to me this was as good a time to try it. So I said to the kids:

"OK guys, Mommy is starting to feel a little crabby and angry, and I really don’t want to be that way. I think I’m going to take a little break and quiet myself."

Then I went to the living room which is where I usually go to be alone. After about three minutes, my son appeared, dragging his blankie with him. He climbed on the sofa next to me. Then he leaned against me and quietly sat there sucking his thumb. I asked, "Do you want to sit with Mommy and have some quiet too?" Scott nodded and continued to sit with me as I tried to contain my amazement. Then Sammi came in the room with a glass of water (I almost always have a glass of water nearby), and said, "Here, Mommy, I thought you might want something to drink while you’re having quiet." I thanked her and she climbed up on the couch on my other side. We sat together for about another ten minutes saying very little. When we left our "quiet time" together, we were all obviously happier and calmer. We went on to have a terrific day. What a gift!

- Jan Shay

Here is a link to Lesson 32 of the Positive Parenting Teleclass which teaches you how to implement this alternative to time out that works.

Happy Parenting!