If you read my other blog post, Parenting with Finesse, then you are ready to see my top 5 ideas for parenting with finesse! Here they are in no particular order of importance.
1. React to "shockers" with semi-interested boredom. When children announce something to which you feel an instant reaction in your gut (as in my piercing example), take a deep breath, smile calmly, and say, "Really? Tell me more." Remember, part of the reason children "come up with" shocking news is to get you to react or push your buttons. Parents with finesse do not often get tricked into reacting to their children, instead becoming the trickster by showing calmness and level-headedness.
2. Set up a sequence of events that discipline the children and RELAX! The other night my children and I were invited to go swimming. Before leaving I explained to them that we would be leaving the pool at 7:30, in my car at 7:40 and home at 7:50. I asked each child, in turn, before we left to repeat this sequence back to me. I then asked what would happen if the above sequence was not followed (they all correctly responded that we would not be allowed to go back again). I gave them a 15 and 5 minute warning prior to announcing that it was 7:30. I then sat back and watched calmly as they began to reluctantly get out of the pool. My son was still in, looking as if he would not come out. I said to no one in particular, "We have 6 minutes to get to the car, I suppose we can make it if we run part of the way…I'm not sure, I'm parked kind of far from here." Everyone began to panic and get dried off, hurrying to get me out of the gate and on the way to the car. At the car I said, "Wow! Great job! You could have swam 30 seconds longer!"
3. Act as if there is all the time in the world, even when there isn't. Kids know when we are in a rush. A parent with finesse pretends not to be worried and stressed, knowing that spending 5 calm minutes chatting with a child in the morning can save 30 minutes of battling to get out the door on time.
4. Notice the little details and acknowledge them. An observant parent recognizes when children contribute. We notice these desirable actions that make our home a better place and say "Thank you for that!"
5. Humility. Parents with finesse know when to say, "I don't know." We know that we do not have all the answers. We know that we often make mistakes. We apologize when we are wrong. We hold our children accountable for their actions, with compassion, when they have erred. We know that doing our personal best as a parent means working really hard at it sometimes and giving up and taking a rest other times. We remember often to be grateful, giving thanks for these beautiful little human beings.
