Teenage Developmental Stages
Understanding teenage developmental stages is a must for your sanity. When you have insight into the most difficult and annoying teenage developmental stages, you will have much more patience. And understanding about what to do with these annoying behaviors.
Teens are preparing to separate or individuate from their family.
They are in the process of developing their own values. For many years your child has accepted and gone along with your values. The teen years are a time for your teen to find out what his values are. This can be somewhat threatening if you have certain values you hold fast. For example, your teenager may resist going to church while exploring his own values about religion.
Teenagers must begin this separation process and often time’s rebellion gives them the energy to do this.
They put parents and other authority figures down and don’t want to be with them.
This can feel hurtful if taken personally. However if you are aware this might happen, you can see it for what it really is -- an attempt to separate.
Due to body changes, there can be confusion about whether they want to grow up.
Some teens, particularly girls, don’t like the changes in their bodies. They may openly express these feelings or harbor them inside. It is vital that you don’t make fun or dismiss these feelings. It is best if you can listen without lecturing.
Hormonal changes can cause mood swings marked by easy tears, heightened sensitivity, sudden flare ups, incessant tussling among boys, and continuous giggling among girls.
Your daughter may one moment be crying how she hates school and that she has no friends and the next minute talking to a friend on the phone. It is important you don’t get caught up in this yo-yo effect of emotions. Stay present, yet detached.
They need to work out their relationships with their peers to find out how they fit in.
Your daughter used to want to do everything with you. Now sometimes she doesn’t even want to be seen with you. It feels like her peers have become more important than you or the family. One of the best ways for her to figure out relationships is through having phone conversations. This may feel quite annoying to other family members. But for her it is the safest way for her to work out relationships with her peers. The phone feels safer because she is not face to face with her friend.
They need to start relating the opposite sex in a different way.
Up until puberty, your child has probably treated the other sex as though they had some very serious, contagious disease. Things are different now. Your son or daughter may go through a new boyfriend or girlfriend every week. Again it is important that you as a parent be detached and not treat every new relationship like this person may be your new in-law!
They need privacy to test things out for themselves without hurting their parents.
Your child who used to show and tell you everything has suddenly become more private. It is easy to interpret that your teen is trying to shut you out of their life. However, in the privacy of their room or diary, they can try thoughts and feelings on without hurting you as their parent. They love you and the last thing they want to do is hurt you. For example one mother found and read her thirteen-year-olds diary. In it were some very hurtful comments about her parents. Remember your teen is trying to separate and it is hard to do that if they feel warm and close to you and the family. Obviously, if you suspect that your teen is using drugs or is in anyway endangering himself or others, you would want to check their room.
They become omnipotent and all-knowing.
They begin to act as though they know everything and that you can’t tell them anything they didn’t already know. Again, this can be quite irritating if you don’t know what is happening. One mother had a son who stated, "I know", to just about everything she said. She was tempted to get into a debate about how he couldn’t have known what she just told him. However, knowing this was just a stage kept her out of many verbal power struggles.
They still need an adult to relate to.
Even though your teen may act like he doesn’t need anyone, particularly an adult, he does. If your relationship is so strained that your teen doesn’t come to you to discuss problems, make sure he has a trusted adult that he can talk to, perhaps an uncle, pastor or school counselor.
If a lot of these symptoms of teenage developmental stages sound familiar to you, don’t worry! These are normal stages that most teens go through. It is your teen’s job right now. Perhaps this will help. Remember when your son or daughter took his or her first step, what did you do? Called grandma, clapped & cheered and perhaps took a video of the event. You were very proud. But when our teen starts to rebel (normal event for a teen), do we call grandma or clap and cheer our teen on?!!! I don’t think so! So if you can just look at your teen going through this period of time as essential to normal development and know it is just a temporary stage, teen years can become more enjoyable.
