How to Teach Kids Responsibility

How to Teach Kids Responsibility

 

Often times we tell our kids what to do in order to teach kids responsibility. For example, we tell them when to do, how to do from the time they get up. Then they start to tune us out and don't do what they are asked to do.  So they forget and do a lousy job because they do not feel responsible. When we give lists of things to do and keep nagging and telling them 10, 15 or 20 times, they completely tune us out. The way to teach responsibility is to actually give responsibility. Until a child is given responsibility, they really do not do what they are supposed to do.

 

How can you give responsibility to children versus teaching responsibility?

Here are some examples of teaching responsibility. When you notice that you are going on and on and say, “How many times have I told you, it’s your responsibility to clean your room. You need to get your room cleaned up.” Or, “How many times have I asked you to clean the dishes or set the table”. Then every time you have that speech, your child will interpret that as nagging and complaining. So the child hears “blah, blah, blah,” and tunes it out. (Click here to learn about power struggles.)

How would you give responsibility?

One of the ways to give responsibility is to tell them just one time.  Then say what you expect or what you want done and then leave the child to do it. Say, “I really need for you to clean up your room. We are having company this weekend and it is really important that it happens. Is there anything you need from me in order to make sure that you can get that done?”

Listen and see, maybe there is something that your child needs. You can provide something that would help them be able, willing, and capable of getting that room clean. If it does not happen, do not ask again. Look at why you are not getting “buy-in” from him. Ask yourself, "Why am I not getting my child to do what she is supposed to do?" See if there is some way you could do differently. One of the ways I would approach this is:

Instead of saying “I asked you to do this and you said you would do it and now you are not doing it”

Say “I noticed that we had this talk and I asked you to please have your room clean and it is not finished yet. Is there something I did not communicate clearly, is there something that you need before you can get that done, what is going on here?”

 

Then listen as to why it is not done and why is there not buy-in. See if you can find an answer. Then, in that answer will be your solution.  You will discover what your child needs and what you can do to help her achieve the task. By doing it this way and really giving your child responsibility you are empowering them to be responsible themselves. Then, they will become more responsible.

Be sure that you are not carrying the responsibility for them.

Make sure that you are turning it over and then coaching along the way. Coaching, coaching, coaching, helping, supporting, and being there for them. You will find that you will get a much more responsible, helpful, respectful child.

Have a great day!