3 Ideas to See the Positive Intention
Now you have Visualized the Positive Behaviors, what can you do when "real life" shows up?
So often as parents we see the behavior of our children as negative or bad. We think that they are "out to get us", "make our lives miserable" or even that they are "terrors, brats or demons". (Yes, one parent did actually characterize her child's behavior by calling him a demon). Here are 3 ideas for looking at their behavior from another perspective.
Mom walked into the kitchen to her two-year-old son smashing grapes on the floor. Her first instinct was to yell at him for making a mess (she was one of those "keeps everything really clean" moms). She took a deep breath and put herself in his shoes as she watched the intensity with which he was smashing grapes. He didn't even notice her presence. She saw him take a grape into his hand, look at it, place it on the floor and carefully stomp his foot upon it, remove his foot and observe the resultant smashed remains. She walked quietly toward him, got on his level and let him show her all about what he was doing. He was so excited and babbling all about it! Mom listened to him chatter all about it for awhile and when he was satisfied, she gently transitioned to cleaning up with him, teaching him to be responsible after his experiment.
When my son was about 7, he decided to "fix" my front door for me. He got a screwdriver and removed the door jam piece and then put it back on. Unfortunately, it was even worse now, the door wouldn't shut at all. I felt very frustrated and wanted to get mad at him for making it worse. It was near bedtime and I couldn't go to sleep with the front door open! However, I could see how much he wanted to help and fix it. I took a deep breath and made myself choose patience. Together, we looked at why it wasn't closing and I talked him through screwing it on so the door could close. I realized how much he like taking things apart, yet his ability to "fix" them just wasn't quite developed yet. I have since made it a point to buy used stereos ($2 at a garage sale), computers, and other equipment that looks fun to take apart. He really likes to investigate how things work and he especially likes smashing, hammering, prying and otherwise ripping the stuff apart. His interest in how things work is redirected into items that don't need to be operational for our house to run smoothly.
When you see your child being mischievous, take the time to look at the situation from his perspective. Discover something positive or good about the behavior. This is the way that delinquent teens are reached and guided to a new path in life. Someone takes the time to see the artistic talent behind the graffiti, or the mechanical talent behind the car thieving, or the quality of nurturing and capacity to help others behind the promiscuity. Focus on the positive intention, no matter how small and insignificant it seems, honor it, help it grow and see how you can be the most positive influence in your child's developing greatness.
