Teach Children Responsibility
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Give Responsibility versus Teaching Kids Responsibility
Featured on the Positive Parenting Pep Talks Podcast.
Give Responsibility. Often times we tell our kids what to do, when to do, how to do from the time they get up. What happens is that they start to tune us out and not do what they are asked to do. They forget, and do a lousy job because they do not feel responsible for what they are doing. When we give them lists, things to do and keep nagging and telling them 10, 15 or 20 times, they completely tune that out. The way to teach responsibility is to actually give responsibility. Until a child is given responsibility, they really do not take the power and do what they are supposed to do.
How can you give responsibility to children versus teaching responsibility?
Teaching responsibility is the talking about it. When you notice that you are going on and on and saying “how many times have I told you, it’s your responsibility to clean your room?" or "You need to get your room cleaned up,” or “how many times have I asked you to clean the dishes or set the table?” or whatever it is. Every time you have that speech, it is going to be interpreted as nagging, complaining. They are going to hear “blah, blah, blah,” and tune it out.
How would you give responsibility?
One of the ways to do it is to just tell them one time what you expect of them or what you want them to do and then leave them to it. Even say, “I really need for you to clean up your room. We are having company this weekend and it is really important that it happens. Is there anything you need from me in order to make sure that you can get that done?” Listen and see, maybe there is something that your child needs that you can provide that would help them be able, willing, and capable of getting that room clean. If it does not happen, instead of asking again, look at why am I not getting “buy-in” from him?
Why am I not getting my child to do what they are supposed to do?
See if there is some part of how you implement it and how you could do differently. One of the ways I would approach that with the child is instead of saying “I asked you to do this and you said you would do it and now you are not doing it,” is to say “I noticed that we had this talk and I asked you to please have your room clean and it is not finished yet. Is there something I did not communicate clearly, is there something that you need before you can get that done?"
What is going on here?
Be inquiring as to why it is not done and why is there not buy-in and see if you can find an answer. In that answer will be your solution. And what your child needs and what you can do to help them achieve the task. By doing it this way, you are truly giving your child the responsibility and empowering them to be responsible themselves. This is how they become more and more responsible. Make sure that you are not carrying the responsibility for them. Make sure that you are turning it over and then coaching along the way. Coaching, coaching, coaching, helping, supporting, and being there for them. You will find that you will get a much more responsible, helpful, respectful child.
