Question: My son, I just love him so much, I think he should consider an acting career. I am trying to find ways for him to calm down after he gets hurt. Tonight he stepped on a splinter and I had to pull it out. I realize that it probably did hurt badly. I don’t [...]

by Deborah Godfrey (*note…I wrote this article in 2001, so while the media our kids are using has changed, my ideas for setting limits has not!  Please read and substitute whatever form of electronic entertainment you kids over-use for TV, and try the ideas accordingly…I would love to get feedback on how it goes for [...]

- by Tim Jordan, M.D. “He’s the brightest in his class!” “He’s been the top goal scorer on his team for 5 years!” “Isn’t she gorgeous – she’s the prettiest girl in her class!” “I don’t care about the 6 A’s – how come you got a B in science?” “Thank God for Suzie – [...]

Family Meetings can be a very successful method of enhancing family cooperation and closeness. Here are some ideas for the format of a family meeting. Hold the meeting once a week at a time when everyone in the family can attend. Keep this time sacred — don’t keep changing it at everyone’s convenience. Mark the [...]

Brittany is an extremely well behaved, cooperative child; however Mom and dad were a bit frustrated with her frequent whining. About 2 weeks into the class, mom shared that Brittany had said to her, “Mom. Have you noticed I’m not whining anymore?” Mom replied, “Well Brittany, yes I have noticed it! Why do you think [...]

- by Diane Clark Johnson Development is given in a range of years. Each child develops as an individual. Ask yourself, are you expecting too much or too little? Your child’s behavior “problem” may be just one of his/her important and normal developmental tasks. Awareness of these tasks should reassure you that your child’s development [...]

- by Ruth Angaran, M.Ed. (A note from the author: This article developed from a response to a mom in cyberspace facing this exact situation with her teenage daughter, hence I have used “she” throughout the article for clarity and consistency. The ideas and points are equally relevant for parents of teenage boys as well.) [...]

(Author Unknown) Imagine if someone with authority said to you that you could not use corporal punishment to discipline your children. Stop and think…how would you handle it? Would it cause dramatic changes in the way you discipline your kids? Would you go into a panic? Would you give up disciplining all together? Eliminating corporal [...]

This week I started a new 5-week class.  I’ve been teaching parenting classes for about 20 years, so you would think that after this many years and thousands of parents, I would get used to the pain that parents can be in when they arrive at my class (or talk with me on the phone).  [...]

2 year old Christian was having constant tantrums. Mom had been completely frustrated. Now, when she notices a tantrum coming on, she gives him a choice. She noticed that they occur on leaving a place or when he doesn’t get his way. When it’s time to leave, she will say, “Would you like to go [...]

Mom was working in her home office and 2-½ year old Gabriela wanted to play. Mom was just about done, so she sat her down on the floor with a coloring book and turned back to her desk to finish up. She looked back and Gabriela had taken her wallet out of her purse and [...]

By Deborah Godfrey When two people get married and decide to have children, they rarely talk about the specifics of how they plan to raise these children.  Most people have a “de facto” attitude that says, “My parents raised me x, y or z way and I turned out just fine and I’ll raise my [...]

- by Karan Sims Most parents first experience their child’s attempts at autonomy at about age two. They feel challenged and often a battle of wills begins that lasts throughout childhood and the teen years. Parents can turn these trying times into a rewarding growth period for them and their children by shifting their perspective [...]

The following was taken from a post at the Positive Parenting Bulletin Board located at ParentsPlace.com. Question: Hi. I very much need help. I have a 2 and a half-year-old daughter, and I am losing it where she is concerned. We have tried to raise her well, she is bright and intelligent, but she has [...]

By Deborah Godfrey The experts have told us that consistency is one key to effective parenting. We all know this in theory; however in practice we often fall short. What does consistency mean? The dictionary defines consistent as “constant in adhering to principals.” Therefore, to become consistent in parenting means that we address situations based [...]

Mom has used the method for redirecting kids fighting since last summer — entering the situation calmly, getting on their level, giving each equal friendly eye contact and touch and then holding out her hand for the toy, acknowledging them for giving it over and walking calmly away until they figure it out. She has [...]

Mom and dad have a challenge. Six year old Dasha doesn’t stay at the table until she’s done eating. After the class on loving guidance, Mom decided to try it. When Dasha got up during dinner, mom silently walked over, rubbed her back and smiled, glancing back towards the dinner table. Mom was surprised that [...]

by Deborah Godfrey Effective discipline has much more to do with communication than control.  Many parents feel that to control their children is to be a good parent.  However, studies have shown that less coercive discipline can be related to better outcomes for children.  If the coercive parenting is replaced with a firm and kind [...]

 By Deborah Godfrey                 The other day I was taking a final exam in my “Deviance” class.  There was a fill in the blank question that I just could not remember.  It asked, “What is the name of the theory by Henry and Short describing one motivation for homicide and suicide?”  I squirmed, sweated, closed [...]

Ask your child to make up a silly, outrageous story about why the waitress is taking so long to deliver the meal, or what caused the traffic jam. Hold up an ordinary item such as a pencil or spoon. Have the child suggest unusual uses for the object. Take turns singing as many songs as [...]

- by Deborah Godfrey “NO! I Won’t Pick It Up!” “NO! I Don’t Want To Eat That!” “NO! You Can’t Make Me Do It!” “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! “NO!”–This one word probably causes more stress and disharmony in our relationship with our children than any other word in our language. As parents, we [...]

Newlywed’s Tim & Jan brought 5 year old Josh to class the first night, not realizing it was for parents only. He was pretty good the first 2 hours, but 3 hours is a long time! They had been having many power struggles due to the changes and having a new step dad. A few [...]

Dad was helping the kids get ready for summer camp. He squirted some sunscreen in his hand and called for 7 year old Max to come get some on. Max stood where he was and refused to come. Dad made his request a second time and Max just stared at him with the “look” (of [...]

- By Deborah Godfrey With our busy lives, we often look to short term, easy answers for everything. We have fast food, computers, the latest gadget or gizmo to save us time, money or stress. Many of these new ideas are great and do make our lives easier. The area of raising our children, however, [...]

by Deborah Godfrey So often parenting becomes a chore. In order to be effective, we must spend a great deal of time training our children, and especially following through with consequences to misbehavior. Sometimes it seems there just aren’t any more smiles or laughs from mom or dad. I think children can often be won [...]

  9 Things to do Instead of Spanking – by Kathryn Kvols Research confirms what many parents instinctively feel when they don’t like to spank their child, but they don’t know what else to do. The latest research from Dr. Murray Strauss at the Family Research Laboratory affirms that spanking teaches children to use acts [...]

- By Deborah Godfrey I’ve been a gardener for as long as I can remember. My dad always had a plot wherever we lived in Camarillo. The height of my learning was when I was 10 and we moved to an acre in Santa Rosa Valley. My dad bought a rototiller and a good 1/8 [...]

We have less power struggles, more closeness, less fighting, more hugs, and everyone is feeling good.” – Sheryl Jo Bedal, mother of 3 “My coping skills have improved by understanding children are children. My children show much more independence and trust amongst themselves.” – Aminda Flores, mother of 4 “This class has reinforced the best [...]

Stephanie had been staying up late since it’s summer. On this evening Mom and Dad wanted to retire at a reasonable hour since they were both recovering from colds. Stephanie was up watching TV and ignoring their requests to go to bed. She finally shut off the TV only to pick up a catalog (JC [...]

-by Carol Welcher During the developmental stage of 2-4 years of age, children are supposed to push boundaries, manipulate, and tease. This how they learn how much power and control they have in their world. It is not something bad that has to be stopped. Children are supposed to do it. It is not your [...]

We have a joke in our family. Whenever one of us is in the middle of a crisis, our standard line is: “Uh, oh. I’m getting a feeling. Where are the brownies?” It’s pretty common for people to be afraid of-or at least uncomfortable with-feelings in general. We often have difficulty understanding, dealing with, or [...]

I went on an errand one afternoon, leaving my 11 year old daughter home alone. Twenty minutes later, I returned to find my child sobbing hysterically on the couch. “What happened, what’s the matter?” I frantically asked her. She couldn’t answer, just continued to sob. I panicked. “Did someone hurt you?” She shook her head [...]

Stephanie had been staying up late since it’s summer. On this evening Mom and Dad wanted to retire at a reasonable hour since they were both recovering from colds. Stephanie was up watching TV and ignoring their requests to go to bed. She finally shut off the TV only to pick up a catalog (JC [...]

Every day mom’s 5 year old would yell for her to get him dressed. Everyday, Mom would put it off; tell him to wait, etc…Until he got so loud and she so frustrated that she would go and help him. We discuss GEMS (Genuine Encounter Moments) in the first RCB class and the next morning, [...]

Grandma decided to let 7 year old Kayla to the job of putting the toys back in the toy box by herself. It was a tough job and Grandma let it be okay if it was not done perfectly. She encouraged Kayla with “You’re doing a great job Kayla”. Kayla said, “Grandma, how did you [...]

[social4i size="large" align="align-right"] A mom shared the following story with me. She had young children who were often fighting. After taking RCB, Mom told her kids that she didn’t like to see them fighting and wanted them to figure out a way to stop fighting so much. They decided that when anyone in the family [...]

Dorrie is a loving, creative and very spirited child. Mom and Dad were frustrated she was not yet potty trained. They had tried everything– potty chairs, rewarding, begging, pleading, punishing and still no results. One day, mom received a call from the day care director at work, “Oh, no”, she thought, “What now?” The director [...]

[social4i size="large" align="align-right"] By Tom Prinz, M.S. Most parents want to know how to talk to their youngsters so they will listen to them, but the most important thing for a parent to learn is how to really listen to their youngster. If you do not listen to your youngster, then they will not listen [...]

[social4i size="large" align="align-right"] It is important that we discipline in a way that teaches responsibility by motivating our children internally, to build their self-esteem and make them feel loved. If our children are disciplined in this respect, they will not have a need to turn to gangs, drugs, or sex to feel powerful or belong. [...]

[social4i size="large" align="align-right"] Dona was having lots of battles over squabbling and out of control behavior while driving in the car. The six foster children, ages 2-7 would behave in a very distracting manner and mom was having no success with asking, telling and nagging. In the RCB class she was inspired to try something [...]

Mom was struggling with the Terrible Twos. Brandon, her son was defiant, getting into everything, hitting and other typical terrible two behaviors. Mom was worn out, tired and feeling very frustrated. From what she was learning in the RCB class, she decided to give Brandon more power around the house by asking him to help [...]